Life Goes On....Sometimes

I don't do drugs. However, I've known and hung out with a lot of people who have and do. Sometimes, I talk about this, to other people. It's like some kind of new new journalism, where the characters and situations aren't interesting and no one learns anything about themselves or anything else. My life is basically like taking notes on The Real World Cancun. Side Story: The other night, I turned on the tv and a guy on Real World Cancun was giving a girl advice about what kind of guy to date. He went on to say that him and his friend basically go out to clubs with their dicks out and they have to beat off the women. The truth probably is they have to beat off each other and if you are ever in a position where such a person is giving you advice, my advice is that you jump off an overpass. Anyhoo, I was thinking my life is pretty boring and I was thinking about how Billy Mays did cocaine. Can you imagine being at a party and Billy Mays shows up with an 8-ball? Next day, you get to call everyone you know and say "Guess what happened last night?" and then, they guess....but, you know what? They're wrong. Cause you did coke with Billy Fucking Mays. Best story ever. So, you know, if Billy Mays can snort drugs and be the most successful pitchman in history....why not me? Why does my life need to suck? Maybe I'll start small...have a wine cooler....find an old case of Zima. Then, I'll get trashed on rum and girls who feel bad about themselves will sleep with me, in their cars, cause I fronted them some weed. It all works in phases and stages. And, it all ends with me being on tv. I could be a pitchman but I'd rather not. I'd like to be on something like Gossip Girl. I wouldn't have to be any good, people would know who I am, and I could be that Billy Mays story for some teenage extras. The awesome circle of life continues. I finally realized what Elton John was singing about, in that lion movie. He was a huge cokehead. It's all so obvious now. So, tomorrow, I'm looking for an apartment with a "drug den" feel and nice wooden floors and someone with a cat tranquilizer connection. After that, you write the book. It's gonna be a good one.

Honestly, none of that is gonna happen...except maybe the Gossip Girl part. I'm just looking for answers and typing out loud. You only get so much time. Maybe I should think of more things the way I think about doing coke with Billy Mays and existence would be more enjoyable...or not. But if I keep waking up, I need to fill all this time with something and it damn sure shouldn't be thinking of witty things to say on Twitter. It could have to do with playing Scrabble on Facebook but it's definitely not Twitter. So, I raise my glass of milk and say "Here's to waking up. It's the best thing a guy can ever do.".