I Can't Believe Those Boobs

Ok, there was this big ordeal I was reading about a couple days ago involving Meghan McCain, hot daughter of Arizona's senator/oldest living man, John McCain. She took a picture of herself reading a book, in a tanktop, and posted it on Twitter. The fact that she has quite large breasts lead to the fact that you noticed them. Now, apparently, this outraged people? I've seen breasts in tanktops many times, in my life, and I have never once been outraged. I assure you. If you are, then I think you have deep rooted problems with rage, in general. Maybe a nun hit you with a book or maybe your mom's breasts liked to drink whiskey and knock you around. I don't know. But I'm getting away from the point. I was actually outraged, myself, at one part of this story. She actually apologized. I assume some man in a suit came to her that night and told her if she loved her dog, she needs to say she's sorry or something shady like that. He probably ended the conversation with "Oh, hey, by the way....nice breasts.". But the idea that this is something someone needed to apologize for is astonishing to me. I don't agree with it. If I become famous, I will not apologize for any dumb shit. I'll tell the public I'm sorry they're assholes, if anything, if something like this pops up.

But seriously, I have decided to compile a list of things that I actually would apologize for and genuinely be sorry about, should I become famous. And, here it is:


1. Accidentally shooting people

2. If I somehow ruin a hockey game

3. Tripping and dropping a brick on your baby

4. Being in a movie that really sucks

5. Getting wasted and freeing dangerous animals from the zoo

6. Starting a hotel fire

7. Driving a car into a mall and running over a teenage girl's shopping bags

8. Having sex with Amy Winehouse in public (setting a bad example)

9. Taking my pants off on Nickelodeon

10. Burning you with coffee


11. Melting America's candy supply with a series of bad decisions, involving a laser

12. The Jay Leno Show(Not really my place, but someone has to)

13. Referring to something as "Phat"

14. Dating Jennifer Aniston, just because it was my turn

15. Letting my wife name my child after a fruit, vegetable, or motor vehicle

16. Failing to enjoy lovely breasts in a tanktop

I was gonna say something about interrupting Taylor Swift....but no.....you don't do that. You love Taylor Swift and make Taylor Swift feel good and never hurt her.

Flat Out Films

There are a lot of movies in the world. So, I'm gonna watch them and recap them quickly so you don't have to. No thanks necessary. Here's my take on a Bruce Lee classic:

Fist Of Fury

There are a bunch of racist japs who think they're better than all the chinks and they kill this one chink but then this other one doesn't like their dumb jap faces so he tells them their business, with his fist.....in a furious way. Then, he's arrested and killed. The end.