Two guys are standing on the street discussing a date the one had the night before.
The guy says "Oh my god, man, she was a total cunt!".
As the words are being spoken, a young woman with a 4 year old daughter is passing and stops. "Hey, do you think you can watch your language? There are children around."
"What, she doesn't know what it means. She's alright."
The sweet little blonde angel says "Cunt!".
"You see what you did?!" the woman exclaims.
He says he'll fix it. The guy kneels down and says "Hey, sweetheart, now don't say that word or you're mommy will beat you and your daddy will be killed."
The woman is horrified, grabs her daughter and starts away angrily, saying "Her father was killed a month ago!"
As they walk away, the guy looks at the girl and says "See? It's already happening!"
And Scene.
That little girl grew up to be the best hooker you ever met.
This blog was brought to you by Bad Taste. Bad Taste, it can be found in any of your local Wal Mart establishments and your daughter's choice in men.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Party Like A Fireman: My Review Of The Wrestler
First order of business: Marisa Tomei's breasts. They receive a rating of one penis up. This is the highest rating I have been able to determine, for such things. The fact that it seemed scores of men were constantly turning down private dances from her stripper character stretched the limits of believability. That is, however, a minor detail in a majorly satisfying film.
So, I went out with a couple friends to the theater earlier. You could have basically skated down the road but we took a car and got there just fine. When we arrived, we found out it was discount night. It was 5 dollars for a show. I have to remember this, for the future. Anyhow, we were late. They stopped to get popcorn or something and I left them standing there cause I've been waiting to see this movie for like 5 months and I'll be damned if I miss a minute of it over refreshments.
Turns out we were still early, due to the practice movie theaters have adopted of showing an hour and a half of ads and previews before the show. The start time was 10:10, the movie was an hour and 45 minutes long, and we left the theater at 12:25. That math doesn't want to add up for me. I can't figure out why....but I digress.
The story centers around Randy "The Ram" Robinson(Mickey Rourke in a raw, heartfelt performance). He is a wrestler, as he says in the movie "it's all I do.". He once was a huge star but now is just a weekend warrior, an old man still trying to do the thing he loves even though it's beaten him to hell and kind of ruined his life. He currently lives in a trailer and works at a deli. You feel for this guy. You know, he's the little fuck up that could. You want him to succeed.
He has a daughter named Stephanie, played by a wonderful Evan Rachel Wood. Having just watched a movie where family members sleep with each other, I was ready for the sex to begin. She is gorgeous. Apparently, they decided to go the no incest route, which I can respect as well. Despite him not having sex with her, she still hates him. He has a heart attack and buys her a coat. It looks like she is a lesbian, now that I remember. That explains no sex with dad.....along with many other reasons I suppose. But anyway, the point is his lesbian daughter is estranged.
There's also a pseudo girlfriend for Randy, the above mentioned stripper, Marisa Tomei. She's in the same kind of situation as Randy and they both love 80s hair metal, which I think is hilarious and awesome, just like the music itself. I thought Tomei did a terrific job. Everyone in the movie really played their parts spot on. There are a lot of bit characters that add humor and a great sense of reality to it(I want to mention a random drunk girl that he has sex with in a bathroom).
The direction of Darren Aronofsky is smart and economical, nothing flashy, which fits the script perfectly. There are no monster refridgerators in this one. The look of the film is a grainy, low budget one, which really captures everything it's trying to show you.
In the end, I basically loved it. I don't think it's getting it's just due right now but it's destined to be looked back upon as a classic. It's a real, down to earth drama without pretense that Mickey Rourke takes to the stratosphere with his brilliant work. You should look out for this kid. He's a real up and comer. Pretty face too.
So, I went out with a couple friends to the theater earlier. You could have basically skated down the road but we took a car and got there just fine. When we arrived, we found out it was discount night. It was 5 dollars for a show. I have to remember this, for the future. Anyhow, we were late. They stopped to get popcorn or something and I left them standing there cause I've been waiting to see this movie for like 5 months and I'll be damned if I miss a minute of it over refreshments.
Turns out we were still early, due to the practice movie theaters have adopted of showing an hour and a half of ads and previews before the show. The start time was 10:10, the movie was an hour and 45 minutes long, and we left the theater at 12:25. That math doesn't want to add up for me. I can't figure out why....but I digress.
The story centers around Randy "The Ram" Robinson(Mickey Rourke in a raw, heartfelt performance). He is a wrestler, as he says in the movie "it's all I do.". He once was a huge star but now is just a weekend warrior, an old man still trying to do the thing he loves even though it's beaten him to hell and kind of ruined his life. He currently lives in a trailer and works at a deli. You feel for this guy. You know, he's the little fuck up that could. You want him to succeed.
He has a daughter named Stephanie, played by a wonderful Evan Rachel Wood. Having just watched a movie where family members sleep with each other, I was ready for the sex to begin. She is gorgeous. Apparently, they decided to go the no incest route, which I can respect as well. Despite him not having sex with her, she still hates him. He has a heart attack and buys her a coat. It looks like she is a lesbian, now that I remember. That explains no sex with dad.....along with many other reasons I suppose. But anyway, the point is his lesbian daughter is estranged.
There's also a pseudo girlfriend for Randy, the above mentioned stripper, Marisa Tomei. She's in the same kind of situation as Randy and they both love 80s hair metal, which I think is hilarious and awesome, just like the music itself. I thought Tomei did a terrific job. Everyone in the movie really played their parts spot on. There are a lot of bit characters that add humor and a great sense of reality to it(I want to mention a random drunk girl that he has sex with in a bathroom).
The direction of Darren Aronofsky is smart and economical, nothing flashy, which fits the script perfectly. There are no monster refridgerators in this one. The look of the film is a grainy, low budget one, which really captures everything it's trying to show you.
In the end, I basically loved it. I don't think it's getting it's just due right now but it's destined to be looked back upon as a classic. It's a real, down to earth drama without pretense that Mickey Rourke takes to the stratosphere with his brilliant work. You should look out for this kid. He's a real up and comer. Pretty face too.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Fruit Loop Pie? I'll Allow It.
Hey, everyone. This is my first post under the heading of Rabid Toucan Dance Party. I want to welcome everyone to the new blog. Feel free to follow it, set it as a favorite, leave comments about how you want to take off my pants, it's all good. This is gonna be the most intense avian dancing blog you've ever taken part in reading, for sure. Partly, cause I don't think anyone ever had the idea of toucans dancing before, except maybe Fruit Loops, but we can all look beyond that.
A quick musing: Shepherd's Pie and friends. The only time meat and pie should ever be that close to each other is when they are being used as sexual euphemism. Pie is a delicious food that should not be tampered with. Here are the things you can put in pie: fruit, meringue, chocolate, cream/custard, nuts, and whatever pumpkin is supposed to be. If you put nuts in pie and then cream, you are a pervert. You can top your pie with ice cream or whipped cream. These are the rules of pie....not to be confused with Pi, which can be lumped in with meat pie, on the "Go fuck yourself" list of pies. Numbers should end. So should meat being put in pie. This has been a public service announcement.
Thank you for reading. Go forth and eat. In Dessert We Trust. In Blog We Trust.
A quick musing: Shepherd's Pie and friends. The only time meat and pie should ever be that close to each other is when they are being used as sexual euphemism. Pie is a delicious food that should not be tampered with. Here are the things you can put in pie: fruit, meringue, chocolate, cream/custard, nuts, and whatever pumpkin is supposed to be. If you put nuts in pie and then cream, you are a pervert. You can top your pie with ice cream or whipped cream. These are the rules of pie....not to be confused with Pi, which can be lumped in with meat pie, on the "Go fuck yourself" list of pies. Numbers should end. So should meat being put in pie. This has been a public service announcement.
Thank you for reading. Go forth and eat. In Dessert We Trust. In Blog We Trust.
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