My Strawberry Lemonade Girl

Today, I had a waitress that said one of the strangest things a waitress has ever said to me. When we were done, she said "Come back and visit.". Who says that? That's like something your distant relative says after you meet them for the first time. I don't think me and Christy were related due to such factors as I liked her and she wasn't a jagoff. Like...did she mean that though? Does she actually want us to come back and visit? Cause she was super cute and I'm up for it. I'd visit her all day. But when she said that, I just started laughing....cause I thought "What if I did? What if I just came back to "visit"?". You know, "Hey, is Christy here. I was in the neighborhood and just thought I'd come by to visit, maybe talk about the baseball game. I brought some fruit salad, if you guys want any fruit salad." What a weird situation. Maybe my mind takes things in ways they weren't intended but it was just strange and then Pete gave her a 20 dollar tip. So, I guess the moral of the story is maybe you should be a little more cute and strange. It might get easier to pay those bills.

I could go on to tell you about our trip to Wal-Mart but I don't have the time to describe all the grotesque, half-human/half-rodent people I viewed there. That place is the home of God's spare parts. I didn't even want to keep my eyes open. I got by on daydreams of all my future visits to Christy and the life we will have together, the two of us and our scottish terrier, Johnny Cash. We sure did love our future little man in black.

A Sloppy Mess

I've been wanting to write something but I haven't been able to pin down a good subject. There have been all these celebrity deaths recently. I loved Michael Jackson and I could probably write a super long essay about my feelings on him....but would anyone really care? Karl Malden died too. He was 97. I wasn't completely taken aback, by that one. That got me thinking though that there was a time where you could be an ordinary looking dude, in fact, perhaps even kind of fucked up looking and you could still be a movie star. Those kind of guys always had a brilliant thing about them too. This new crop of young, pretty boy actors is a joke. Zac Efron, Robert Pattinson, these guys can barely act like they're breathing and that probably even takes really good direction. Chace Crawford? That sounds like a gay law firm. He's apparently gonna be the star of the new Footloose. Kevin Bacon looks like a rodent. You can't replace him like that. Shia Labeouf almost has that rodent everyman quality, except for the fact that he seems like an asshole and he isn't any good.

I, at one point, was watching Princess Protection Program, on the Disney Channel. That was exciting. It was just the kind of mindless entertainment that kids need to be raised on, starring some nice hispanic girls. I like your ethnic diversity, disney channel. You cover everything from white, to slightly asian, to "can pass for white". Speaking of which, on Twitter, Miley Cyrus was complaining about continuity errors in Cape Fear. First off, where does she get the balls? Second, if Miley Cyrus is all about pointing out continuity errors, how is she a christian?

Sarah Palin is stepping down as governor of Alaska. I guess she needs a bunch of time off after the grueling process of not doing or knowing anything. In related news, Alaskan wildlife will be extinct in two weeks and Sarah Palin is pregnant again. Her new daughter will be named Dirt and should be pregnant by next fall.

In sports, the USA tried to pretend it was good at soccer and I still love Serena Williams.

It's the 4th of July. Everyone better blow some shit up and put copious amounts of hotdogs in themselves. It's why America exists. Don't sass America. Not on it's special day. But seriously, have a great America Day. It's really nice of China to keep sponsoring this event each year.