Dog Bless The USA Cable Network

The past two days I've been watching The Westminster dog show. My whole life, I've always loved the dog show. It's like a big party where dogs are people and women are horrible looking and wear tacky clothing. Let's just say there were a lot of cankles roaming around that floor. Some of the dogs, it looked like they were being walked by trees.......which I, personally, thought would be pretty helpful whenever they needed to piss. But these dogs don't piss. They're champions. They just metaphorically piss on the idea of losing. They have their trainers piss for them, so they may continue enjoying their stroll. But the point being, the people involved in the dog show wouldn't necessarily be entered into the human show, if you know what I mean.

Personally, I like the herding and working dogs. They put food on the table, for their families. They rescue people in snowstorms, lock up criminals, fight in armies, and supervise unruly sheep who have been sent to prison camps. Those damn poodles sit up in their fucking ivory tower, with their jewelry and their caviar, and get their hair cut by a frenchman and they think they're fucking special. Poodles can suck it. Give me a Sheepdog. Like that guy that was friends with Babe. Remember him? Good guy. Or a Great Dane. Scooby Doo was a Great Dane. He could fucking talk and solve mysteries. Poodles can suck it.

I have to say I was a little disappointed with a lot of the show this year. My favorites got knocked out. The Scottish terrier that won was like a total bitch. Haha, dog humor. But I loved the best in show winner. His name was Stump. He was a Sussex Spaniel. He was the underdog, so to speak. Stump was ten years old. He already had retired. Then, he got a terrible disease and almost died, was miraculously cured, and he came out of retirement five years later just for this one last shot at glory. The competition was a bunch of fierce, young winners. The feeling was that he was a long shot, counted out before judging even started, by all the dog pundits. I, however, thought he was the best since the moment I saw him. I didn't even know his story, at that point. I just saw him and wanted to pet him and tell him that he was a "good boy". So, he won and the crowd erupted with sheer joy. It was like all of the Rocky movies combined into one super Rocky movie. I actually believe a Sussex Spaniel could potentially write and star in a Rocky movie. If Stallone did it, it wouldn't be surprising.

So, now the dog party is over. The flashy jackets and casual shoes have been put away and now they'll just go back to trying to get the dogs to fuck. It must be a tough life. But I'm glad that rich people make pretty dogs, for me to look at. I've never had a dog of my own and never really wanted one. But I like when they visit my living room every year on tv. They can't attack me from there......and I get the feeling those dogs wouldn't attack me if they were really in my living room. I guess what I'm saying is teach your fucking dogs to sit down. I'm tired of being humped and scratched. My penis isn't for them. This is people penis.