Who The Fuck Wrote This Show? Jimmy Fallon?

So, here I sit, all hopped up on apple cider, little debbie's fudge rounds, and the hit singles of The Cult, reflecting on the first episode of Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. I have to say I was biased, from the start. I've never really liked Jimmy Fallon and thought this was a bad idea. However, given the guests he booked and the oppurtunity he was given to not suck, the way that he sucked is all the more disturbing and, in it's way, kind of impressive.

In the opening, Conan O'Brien says he doesn't want to go out to the audience and watch the show cause he's really got to get to packing up a box. I think that tells you all you really need to know.

The first thing I don't understand is that The Roots are his house band. I don't know if this is permanent. Well, after last night, I wouldn't be surprised if they cancelled the show today. But I don't know why Questlove and crew would subject themselves to such a thing. They are gods of hip-hop. This is so beneath them, it's insane. Black Thought singing to the news, saying "She added an amendment!" was probably the highlight of the show though.

Jimmy Fallon told some lame jokes, there was a terrible package about demographics, and then he started a segment where they play a "game". The "game" consisted of bringing 3 audience members down to the stage, having them lick something, and giving them ten dollars. It's way less interesting than you think. That's probably cause you can think of something to lick that isn't a photo copier. How about my ass, Jimmy Fallon? I have ten dollars just for you.

Now, let's talk about the guests. The lineup was Robert DeNiro, Justin Timberlake, and musical guest Van Morrison. I don't think Conan ever had such a good night of guests in 16 years. This leads me to what the biggest problem with the show is. Before given a talk show, apparently no one checked if Jimmy Fallon actually had the ability to talk to people. He stuttered, stumbled, rambled about himself, interrupted DeNiro on numerous occasions, and generally asked questions that seemed to be written by a lazy baby.

The Timberlake interview was basically all about how they did The Barry Gibb talk show together on SNL and how that was a lot of fun. It was like when two of your friends are talking about some supposedly great time they had with other people you don't know and you weren't there and it's totally not interesting to you or anyone else around and you wish they would either stop talking or be struck down by heat lightning. The only thing I got from that interview is that JT actually does a spot on Michael McDonald impression and that he would probably be a better host than Jimmy Fallon. Even the Michael McDonald impression was so esoteric that I don't think anyone cared except me though.

Van Morrison was alright. He's no spring chicken but it was ok.

The point is I hate Jimmy Fallon and his stupid face. If this is what we're gonna get, they might as well have let Carson Daly have the show. He's been a mediocre television host for years and years and that's better than sucking. Also, Jimmy Fallon's set looks stupid. I think they were trying to match it with his face.

Haha, ok, I'm done. I just wanted to rant. Oh, and congratulations to Craig Ferguson for now cornering the market at 12:30 am.

Someone please give me a late night talk show.